Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Archie and Jughead Tangle with Tea Parties

MAMARONECK, NY - Archie Andrews and Jughead Jones will clash with Tea Parties in an upcoming issue of the long-running Archie comic book series. Said writer Dylan Kraw, "We wanted something that would threaten Riverdale High. And would could be more threatening than a non-union mob?" In Kraw's story, "Tea Bag For Two," a Reggie Mantle prank backfires after he suggests a Tea Party group demand Riverdale eliminate all science classes and use the money to form a rifle club. When the howling throng arrives, Mr. Weatherbee blames Archie, who is sent to detention. Meanwhile, Miss Grundy tells the crowd they are protesting against their own interests. She states that a large government with a big heart run by caring concerned politicians such as Barney Frank will, in fact, improve their lives, if they'll only stay out of the way. The mob beats Miss Grundy with a sign reading, 'Obama Marksist.' Jughead sneaks Archie out of detention. Along with Betty, Veronica, and Moose Mason, they lure the Tea Party away from the high school by telling them Sarah Palin is waiting to speak at the bottom of a nearby quarry. Quickly, the kids string barbed wire around the quarry, imprisoning the mob in an improvised 'haters camp.' Later, over sodas at the Chok'lit Shoppe, the gang listen as Archie wonders why simple people reject progressive solutions that have turned Greece and Venezuela into equitable, just, social wonderlands? Pop Tate interrupts to say, 'Remember what our president said about bitter people clinging to guns and God.' Jughead then quips, 'I'd like to cling to a couple more hot dogs with fries.' The gang all laugh in the final panel. Said Kraw, "People need to relax. We're just having a little fun here. It's not like we're mocking ACORN. That would be hurtful and wrong."

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