Drug Cheaters Break Away to Form Own Olympics

VANCOUVER, CA - Angered by the Olympic Committee's 'childish views,' 38 athletes discovered using illegal drugs have left to form their own Olympic games. "So I took some steroids," said 340-pound U.S. speed skater Brian Ellison. "It's not like you could tell." Athletes from 14 different countries are heading north to Skagway, Alaska for their own event which they are calling the 2010 Winter Olympics—Not! "It will be refreshing and a tribute to the human spirit," said 431-pound Austrian bobsledder Kurt Himmelbaum. "We can not wait to compete once we have constructed new stronger bobsleds." There has been no official word from the Olympic Committee, but there are worries the drug rebels might sell merchandise containing the word 'Olympic.' Said one committee source, "As you know, the word 'Olympic' is copy written and we will go up to Skagway and take legal action as well as tour the old gold mining camp." Ellison isn't worried. "Let 'em arrest me. It'll be like trying to cuff Barry Bonds—they don't make handcuffs that big."