EPA Using Green Police Ad as Viagra

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Reports have surfaced that members of the Environmental Protection Agency have begun using Audi's Green Police commercial to cure erectile dysfunction. "I've had my little problems because of work pressures, divorce," said an anonymous EPA source. "But you have no freaking idea how hot that ad made me." Aired during the Super Bowl, the commercial showed 'green' police entering homes to arrest people for crimes such as throwing batteries in the trash and not recycling. "I saw myself in that commercial," said the source, "riding a Segway with a 9mm on my hip, handcuffing planetary criminals. I became a dynamo in bed. That inflatable sea otter never knew what hit her." Later, the source stated he called other Bay area EPA employees in his erectile dysfunction support group. "Everyone who saw that commercial felt exactly the same way. Except I was the only one riding a Segway."