IPCC: Snowpocalypse Hottest Blizzard on Record

NEW YORK CITY, NY- The IPCC has released data confirming that a huge blizzard striking the U.S. east coast is not only the hottest record snowfall ever recorded, but a clear sign of the shifting face of global warming. "Climate change is cunning like a mongoose or a very sneaky man," said IPCC spokesman Sanjuk Patel. "It circles around to attack in forms you would not recognize such as vast clouds of snow." Under fire from critics for inserting unproven global warming claims into reports, as well as the use of divination, the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has conducted a rigorous internal review. According to Patel, the result is tougher standards resulting in irrefutable science. To back the claim that snow is hotter now than at anytime in earth's past, Patel cited data vetted by Nickelodeon Kids' News and the National Wildlife Federation's Ranger Rick Green Zone. "This is a molten blizzard. Period. End of story," said Patel. "And while it has the appearance of cold, you must not be confused by deniers, clearly in the pay of large corporations." Patel was emphatic as he urged the public to "throw away the evidence of your senses and trust the IPCC. I do."