Saturday, February 27, 2010

Financial Analysts Unable to Employ Jargon

NEW YORK CITY, NY - In a crisis within a crisis, many of the nation's money analysts no longer understand what they're saying when they use financial jargon. "Basis points, ascending tops, EOM dating all sound like Finnish to me," said former Bloomberg analyst Tito Dryer. "You get tired of saying this stuff over and over, then one day you lose your jargon completely." Psychiatrists claim jargon-loss is different from losing one's 'mojo.' "People who lose their jargon often remain confident," said Dr. Kleeve Meter, "but they no longer sound professional or interesting to other jargon-users or those outside the profession." Asked to describe the current economy, Dryer replied, "It stinks. It's really bad. Buy gold and bury it." Questioned as to why his view is correct when jargon-rich government officials and media have stated that economic recovery is underway, Dryer said, "Think of it all as word-xanax. Then buy gold and bury it."

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