Friday, April 10, 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In the wake of Somali pirate attacks on U.S. ships, a State Department spokesperson announced the word "pirate" would no longer be used. "We're referring to nautical individuals who have seized Americans as "sea citizens," stated Meredeth Kearns-Gosplan. "Pirate" carries a negative connotation that could incense various maritime groups, thus causing the very condition we're working to prevent." Kearns-Gosplan stated that terminology changes were a new, previously untapped tool in the State Department arsenal. "This administration is committed to realistic politics," said Kearns-Gosplan proudly. "And if sea citizens don't cooperate, they'll be called something really wounding and hurtful."