Saturday, July 18, 2009
NORTHERN ITALY - A report has surfaced that Pope Benedict XVI did not break his right wrist in a fall, but, instead, shattered the bone punching out a progressive delegation from a Catholic Church in Berkeley, California. "He didn't slip," said Papal spokesman Cardinal Tosco La Vallette. "He hit people - one, two, take that." According to witnesses, the altercation erupted after the three-person delegation insisted the Pope change the Mass to incorporate the phrase, "Hey, Man, it's all good." Cardinal La Vallette said, "I thought he might cuff them across the face with one slap like 'The Three Stooges,' but no - everybody got a solid shot." La Vallette felt papal feistiness stemmed from high spirits following Brock Lesnar's recent UFC 100 victory over Frank Mir. "The Pope was pulling for Lesnar because he doesn't like trash talk," said the Cardinal. "And Mir really woofed it. But now that the heavyweight belt is unified, the pontiff is happy."