Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Chavez Strangles Small Monkey

VENICE, ITALY - Demonstrating his plans for domestic media critics, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez throttled a small spider monkey in front of media outside the Venice Film Festival. "That's what those big mouths will get," said the jovial strongman, handing the dead animal to filmmaker Oliver Stone. Chavez waved off any claims of brutality, stating the monkey was already sick from having ingested a tainted pear. In Italy for the showing of Stone's documentary South of the Boarder, Chavez hoped to model Caracas after the city of Venice. "We need more canals and men in straw hats with ribbons. A socialist nation demands this." As Chavez made his way inside, Stone clutched the dead creature to his chest like a teenage girl holding a letter man's jacket. "Hugo touched this, than handed it to me," sobbed the director. "I'll press it and put it in my dairy, even if it takes a long time to get flat."

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