Kennedy Ghost Appears Drunk at Obama Speech

WASHINGTON, D.C. - During President Obama's health care speech, observers saw the spectral figure of Ted Kennedy holding a large cocktail and a plastic backscratcher shaped like a hand. The Kennedy shade wandered the viewing gallery, using the backscratcher to part women's garments and peek inside. At one point, the ghost threw up a portion of ectoplasmic lobster and some ghost tangerines. After vanishing for several minutes, former senator Ted Kennedy reappeared on the chamber floor where he dry-humped colleague Barbara Boxer before disappearing. "We knew he'd come back for this," said White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs. "He wanted health care for everyone but himself while he lived. And lobster. But I don't think Barbara Boxer ever figured in his plans that way. I guess that means Ted is really dead." (Photo: blog.newsok.com)