ACORN States Everyone Has Underage Sex Slaves

WASHINGTON, D.C. - ACORN denounced recent attacks on their organization as an 'overblown, hate smear because everyone keeps underage sex slaves.' According to spokesperson Grant Billings, "The reason our employees accommodated undercover operatives in housing teen prostitutes was because everyone has a few. I'll bet over a beer most people will admit to harboring thirteen-year-old, Salvadorean whores in the rec room." Billings stated media coverage was reminiscent of the 1998 scandal involving President Clinton's White House sexual adventures. "Once again, a big to-do over something everyone does - in this case, compelling foreign teenagers to love the mailman for cash." He added, "Ask your friends and you'll probably learn underage prostitution has paid for dental bills, Christmas presents and car repairs. This activity is a vital part of our economy. And, once we pass single-payer health care, these girls can get the HIV tests and penicillin shots they so vitally need. Won't that be better for everyone?" (Photo: starcasm.net)