Bernanke Denounces Own Reappointment

WASHINGTON, D.C. - At an afternoon hearing before the House Banking Committee, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke denounced his record and mocked President Obama for reappointing him. "What a doofus," chortled the Fed Chairman. "I whiffed on the sub-prime market collapse. I had no clue Fannie and Freddie were feckless goofs. I've printed money like the King of Zimbabwe. Interest rates are so low, you can't find 'em with an electron microscope. And I stuffed so much Tarp money up Wall Street butts, they're still crapping cash. And now I've got four more years. Wheeee!" Fed insiders claim Bernanke had "eleven or twelve drinks" during lunch and really didn't mean what he said. "He's proud of what important media outlets say about his record," said one source. Bernanke closed his testimony with the statement, "I'm immortal! I can't be fired! Everyone like me!" (Photo: thisislondon.co.uk)