Jones Leaves Behind Earth City

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Green Jobs Czar Van Jones has announced his resignation in order to devote more time to communism and 9/11 Truther work, leaving numerous green projects unfinished. Mila Paganette, a Green Jobs spokesperson, expressed a sense of loss. "Van wanted to dig a barge canal from Seattle to Utah using green technology such as wooden axes and shovels. That would've employed many people for a long, long time." In addition, there was the Deep Holes Project, in which Jones foresaw using tea party mobs to dig a series of deep holes in the Alaskan permafrost using green technology such as pots and pans. But Jones' crowning achievement was-to-have-been New Earth City - a vast metropolis constructed in southern Arizona and modeled after Karnak in Luxor. Colossal temples dedicated to the environment, activism, and community organizing were envisioned, surrounded by immense statues of Barack Obama, Robert Gibbs, and George Clooney. Only the greenest of technology would've been used in construction," sighed Paganette. "including sticks, mud, and air, filled with happy worker songs." Paganette believes New Earth City will still happen. "Van will build it as soon as he overthrows capitalism, frees Mumia and exposes the 9/11 plot. Until then, we'll just have to wait along with the rest of the country." (Photo: squidoo.com)