Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Cannibal Hockey League Seeks Respect

CALGARY, CANADA - With NHL play beginning, everybody's talking Flames while nobody's talking the Munching Eagles. "It's like we don't exist to anyone," said Eagle's Coach Pierre St. Laurent, referring to the brand new Cannibal Hockey League. Formed as a result of a massive lawsuit brought against the NHL by the ACLU, backed by Canadian and U.S. anti-discrimination laws, the CHL consists of fourteen teams in the United States, Canada, and Greenland. "Most of our guys are from New Guinea, the Solomon Islands and places like that there," said St. Laurent. "So teaching 'em ice hockey was a real nutcracker." Battling player ignorance isn't the team's only hurdle. The Munching Eagles face off later this week against the Vermont Long Pigs at Pengrowth Saddledome. According to St. Laurent, "We drop the puck at 2:00 AM. Not many people want to watch cannibal hockey at that time. It could be a problem." Marketing for the new league has been controversial, focusing on guilt-tripping the public into attending games or being labeled 'racist cannibal haters.' "I'm not so sure that's a hundred percent the way to go," said St. Laurent. "But, when I think about it, maybe no crowd is a good thing at first. A lot of the guys still worship cargo and eat each other. We need to cut down on that while they're on the ice, eh?" Tickets to Thursday morning's contest are still available. The first one-thousand fans will receive a shrunken head with the Munching Eagles logo and tickets to a road game in Butte, Montana against the Noshing Cattlemen.

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