U.S. Threatens Iran with Carrot-and-Celery-Stick Diplomacy

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Upon learning of Iran's second nuclear facility, the State Department promised to unleash 'carrot and celery stick diplomacy.' "We will talk with Iran," said State Department spokesperson Adam Weltman. "But if they fail to explain this new facility with its nuclear bomb-making capability, then Iran can expect another, more serious round of talks." Weltman believes a combination of talking, then talking harshly will convince Iran to cooperate with international agencies. "No one likes back-to-back talks," said Weltman. "Especially when there's a real tone to the second talking. We believe this will bring the Iranians to the table and keep them there." When pressed for comment, an Iranian spokesperson stated everyone fears a good scolding. Nevertheless, Iran would talk with the United States even if some of the talks held notes of disappointment and shame. "We will continue strengthening our facility, but we will also talk. And listen. We will talk and listen. That is how seriously we take this." (Photo: worldofstock.com)