Chinese Lobby for Olympic Monk Beating

BEIJING, PRC - The Chinese Olympic Committee has petitioned to add "Tibetan monk beating" to the 2012 games. In a letter to the International Olympic Rules Committee, the Chinese argued, "It [monk beating] has all the elements of a sport: running, jumping, kicking and swinging." Chinese spokesman Wen Ma joked, "We could train up a team from our police. Right now, those weaklings are winded after only a few beatings." So far, there's been no word from the Rules Committee. Ma stated the People's Republic of China would be willing to ship Tibetan monks to other nations for practice. "We get them 24/7," he said. "And if we run out, there's always Falun Gong. But they're a lot easier to hit."