Bergman's Home Sold to Depression Clinic

FAAROE, BALTIC SEA - Situated on a bleak, windy island, the late Ingmar Bergman's home has been sold to a controversial mental health facility. Sunny Mind Clinic out of San Jose, California has converted the four dwellings into a rest center dedicated to the treatment of depression. "We felt the home of a famous movie director would be an awesome place for people to brighten up and learn to love life," said Doctor Lester Heinkrieter. Open only five months, the facility has been plagued by over forty suicides. "Pretty rocky start," said Doctor Heinkrieter. "It all started after a film festival we threw to welcome everybody. We showed The Seventh Seal and Scenes from a Marriage. Afterwards, two patients hung themselves from a tower. I said, 'Whoa, slow down here, people." Island resident Per Bjorklund has contacted the Swedish government about problems with the clinic. "You cannot drive a kilometer without someone trying to throw themselves under your car. This is not the way to enjoy motoring." Other residents have complained about finding patients hanging from fruit trees, or bobbing lifelessly in the sea and fouling fishing nets. Doctor Heinkrieter acknowledges problems but believes the answer is increased medication. "A Prozac the size of a golf ball oughta chill 'em out. Heck, I may try one. This island can be a real bummer." (Photo: uashome.alaska.edu)