Post Office to Run Like Obamacare

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Losing three billion dollars a year, the U.S. Post Office is changing operations to more closely match the President's healthcare plan. "We're getting rid of mail routes," said Postmaster General John E. Potter. "Instead, people will now visit regional postal exchanges. There they can drop off and pick-up mail, purchase stamps, and receive end-of-life delivery counseling." In addition, the exchanges will offer consumers a choice between UPS, Federal Express and the postal service."The post office will be using Air Force C-130s and charging a nickel to deliver packages anywhere in the world," said Potter. "We'll be paying for that by taxing the wealthiest Americans or just printing a canyon full of money." Potter added that all Americans will be expected to take part in 'preventive posting.' "If you have something to mail, we're gonna ask that you damage, tear or pilfer the material yourself. This will save valuable time in the mailing process and allow our employees to work uninterrupted on their second jobs." All USPO changes must first be approved by the Postal Board of Governors, who are expected to issue a ruling after they return from break sometime in late 2014.