Thursday, August 6, 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Whispering, sending furtive texts, the Landstowne, Maryland Young Informants Club was ushered into the White House as a reward for turning in forty-two parents, coaches and other adults who made critical or "fishy" comments about the President's Healthcare Initiative. Linda Douglass, communications director for the White House's America Salutes Snitches program, met with the youngsters, presenting a dozen tweens with a URL where they may download eighteen of the President's most famous speeches. In addition, the kids received DVDs that included John Ford's The Informer and Prince of the City. "These children have nothing to be ashamed of," said Douglass proudly, "provided they don't rat out communists or Chicago corruption. That would be creepy and contribute to a climate of fear." All forty-two adults will be required to attend Healthcare Disinformation Correction Sessions conducted by Senator Al Franken. "Hopefully, they'll learn the truth," said Douglass. "If not, we'll put an RFD chip up their butt and track them like tagged bears the rest of their lives. I'm thinking they'll go with 'truth.'"