Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Media Drool Collapses Parking Structure

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A wave of media saliva caused by Barack Obama's inaugeration was responsible for undermining a parking structure, causing it to topple. Reporters from CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, and PBS were conducting an informal interview with Hollywood celebrities at a multi-story parking tower. Among the stars were Matt Damon, Jennifer Anniston, Stephen Colbert, and John Cusack, all in town for the inaugural celebration. Tyros Manniket, age 37, a parking attendant, witnessed what happened next: "They were all excited about Obama, saying how wonderful, and wise, and great he would make as the president. On they talked, for minute after minute. Then someone, maybe Scarlett Johansson, called Obama a 'Stud Man King.' That is what started the drool. It flooded out of their mouths in foamy waves like a river with bubbles and everything." According to investigators, enzymes within the huge volume of saliva were thought sufficient to erode reinforced steel and concrete, bringing down the structure. While all media and celebrities were evacuated safely, Manniket believes a homeless man may have drowned. "This bum sleeps in the stairway every night. I think the drool wave maybe get him. Anyway, he's not around."
(Photo courtesy of www.www.ci.fort-collins.co.us)

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