Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Santa's Red Brother

(Photo courtesy of Zombietime.)

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Sporting a fashionable Che cap, Dustin Claus made his presence felt at last Saturday's anti-Israel rally. "Ho, ho, ho, Zionist oppression of Gaza has to go," said the older Claus sibling in a single breath. "It's funny. I say, 'ho, ho, ho' all the time and yet it fits right in with so many protest chants." Living off a considerable allowance from his famous, hard-working brother, Dustin Claus has always championed the interests of the oppressed. "Santa is all about good and bad. But that archaic notion has been transcended by revolutionary morality. I tried teaching it to the elves, but the little fascists laughed at me. One day they'll be kneeling at the lip of a mass grave and we'll see who's jolly then?" In the meantime, Dustin is very much for peace. "Ho, ho, ho, hell yes I'd like to see a just settlement that considers the historic rights of the Palestinian people." After signing several autographs, Dustin cell-phoned his limo. There was a ride back to Nob Hill and dinner that evening at the Top of Mark. "Not everyone can afford to be a communist," said Dustin thoughtfully. "But that just means all of us committed activists must continue battling for the downtrodden. Ho, ho, ho." He looked around suddenly. "Was Tim Robbins here? I wanted to get his autograph."

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