Monday, January 26, 2009
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Secret Service agents have officially cautioned Hardball host Chris Matthews to stop stalking the president. "He's been doing creepy things," said an unofficial White House source. "Obama will get text messages from Matthews saying, 'What are you thinking of right now? If it's me, I'll die.'" In addition, the Secret Service confiscated a diary from Matthews in which the MSNBC star had written "Barack Obama" over and over in flowery purple script, as well as scribbling "Chris Obama" on a slip of paper hidden in a secret compartment. Lately, Matthews has begun showing up at the White House gate, claiming he left a book during a press conference, and wondering if the president was busy after work. "He'd better back off," said the source. "Otherwise, he'll be hugging his pillow down in Gitmo."