Thursday, December 3, 2009

Potter/New Moon Fans Brawl in Mexico

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Angered over the success of the 'Twilight' sequel, dozens of Harry Potter fans baited 'New Moon' fans outside a Brentwood theater, resulting in a brawl that left over 30 people injured. In addition to belittling each others fandom, the parties exchanged threats involving magic, vampiric powers and lycanthropy. After police arrived, the two sides adjourned, only to meet up later that night in a deserted junkyard outside Tijuana, engaging in a savage, free-for-all that left 24 persons hospitalized with injuries ranging from neck bites to wands wedged into various body openings. "They were like devils," said Police Captain Jose Delgado. "We had to smother them in fire retardant foam before they would stop." An additional 9 injuries occurred when combatants fleeing police attempted to leap like wolves over tall fences or transport themselves far away by jumping into oil cans they called 'port keys.' "I hate 'New Moon,'" said an anonymous Potter fan who missed the fight because his parents made him clean up the TV room. "If I'd been there, I'd have used the cruciatus curse, even though I know its wrong." 'New Moon' fans were equally vehement. "Those Potter punks are so lucky I had to drive my brother to soccer practice," said an unnamed fan of the vampire series. "I'd have bitten them and made them undead, then, ignored them for all eternity." (Photo:

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