Danish Police Use Green Nightsticks in COP15 Clashes

COPENHAGEN, DENMARK - As demonstrations continued at COP15, Danish police used green law enforcement tools including organic nightsticks and spray irritants made from natural fluids. Said police spokesperson Nidhug Filtenborg, "There has been violence, yes. People have been struck, yes. But our [Danish police] tools are the tools of a clean planet." Filtenborg pointed out that Danish riot police wield sustainable nightsticks, shorter than a standard nightstick, and made from a type of hardened flax. "After hitting demonstrators 20 to 30 times, the nightsticks are recycled into linen cloth or for linseed oil extract." In addition, Filtenborg stated crowd irritants such as pepper spray are really a potent form of oolong tea. "This tea, yes? It's oolong, but it has been left inside a public restroom for several weeks. It is quite annoying and makes the eyes different." In what Filtenborg describes as a law enforcement break-through, Danish tear gas is a condensed steam extracted from the clothing of obese people returning from the tropics. "Good day and good luck getting a whiff of that," said Filtenborg. "But it's all natural and that makes everything proper and correct." (Photo: BBC)