Thursday, December 10, 2009

Terrorists Vow Not to Read TSA Manual

TORA BORA, AFGHANISTAN - Al Qaeda has vowed not to read a security procedures manual accidentally posted online by the Transportation Security Administration. The standard operating procedures document lists details of airport security, including the smallest wires not detected by screening machines, what items are never checked, and short-cuts the TSA takes when there are large crowds. "This could happen to anyone," said terrorist spokesperson Abdul-Ghani Naser. "Computers are so darn tricky. I have to ask my kid everything. My son, that is. My daughter I blinded with acid for reading Nancy Drew." TSA spokesperson Larry Whiskett expressed appreciation to Al Qaeda. "A bunch of real gentlemen. Let's face it, anyone could do a half-assed job redacting sensitive information before releasing it on the Web." Whiskett blamed the problem on a lack of TSA unionization. "Everyone knows how much smoother and efficient work goes when performed by union employees who can never be fired. Imagine if the United Auto Workers ran airport security, for Pete's sake. Once we get that, TSA will run like water flowing crisply downhill to a nice mill." (Photo:

1 comment:

ben said... conducted a study among 665 Americans viewing a news clip featuring the leak of the TSA (Transportation Security Administration) security manual on the Internet. Results found that the percentage of viewers who reported feeling “not at all safe” with air travel drastically increased after viewing the news clip about the leak. The percentage of viewers who reported feeling “safe” in an airport decreased from 47% to 28% after viewing the video and the percentage of viewers who reported that the government does an adequate job of maintaining air travel safety fell from 70% to 42% after viewing the video. More in depth results can be seen at: