Sunday, December 13, 2009

Gitmo Terrorists Object to Illinois Move

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA - Terrorist detainees at Guantanamo Bay have objected to Justice Department plans to relocate them to Thomson, Illinois. "They are too corrupt in Illinois," said Bakir Ali, captured in Afghanistan. "We would not feel safe in such a dirty political environment." Other terrorists compare the balmy Cuban weather to Illinois' severe winters. Ali agreed, "How are you supposed to go outside and exercise in cold and snow? Besides, we would need winter outfits, something that matches basic orange." While Ali disparaged the Cubs and their century of baseball futility, he expressed interest in seeing a game. "Perhaps there will be day trips to the ball game? That would be a splendid opportunity to witness a major league contest, enjoy a soft drink, and kill infidels when we go to the washroom." (Photo:

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