Sunday, October 11, 2009

America's Least Visited National Parks

OLD BOOT, AK - Everyone knows about Yellowstone, but how many travelers are aware of Alaska's Hungry Bear Valley? Of the fifty eight national parks, here is a list of those with the smallest crowds and highest mortality rates.

1. Oops Falls, California
Moisture slick rocks stamp this scenic waterfall a sure-fire bet for anyone looking to slip and plummet to death. A recent lawsuit forced the government to make the area handicap-accessible, so wheelchair-bound visitors will no longer be denied access to a watery end.

2. Devil Bum National Monument, Utah
Awesome wind-carved rocks are also home to a savage band of tramps known for robbing and mauling tourists.

3. Long Sleep Volcanic Flats, Hawaii
Like the lyrical Hotel California, you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave. Poisonous gases see to that.

4. Quicksand Caverns, Georgia
The caverns are dark and full of quicksand. But travelers who survive often return with hats and other light accessories found floating atop the quagmire that prove quite serviceable after rinsing.

5. Rabid Chipmunk Ravine, Pennsylvania
The chipmunks are cute, but diseased. One bite will have you foaming more than a man gargling Alka-Seltzer. Shoot them and win points toward merchandise in the ranger station gift shop. (Photo: Kevin Adams)

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