'New Improved Secrets' Reveals Truth Behind Reality

SEDONA, AZ - Building on the 2007 documentary film The Secret, a New Age author states the real secret behind all reality may be found by purchasing his latest book entitled New Improved Secrets. Written by lecturer and Doctor of Veterinary Medicine Healy Lucan, the book posits that the entire universe is energy, that energy is in vibration, and that nothing is real in the sensory realm except checks or credit card orders made out to purchase New Improved Secrets. "Why is this? I don't know," stated Dr. Lucan. "For some reason, the universe has selected my book and the various methods of paying me - and I accept them all including Pay Pal - as the only non-vibrational items in existence." Dr. Lucan reports the universe has informed him this won't always be so. "Order New Improved Secrets quickly and the universe will knock off fifteen percent. Choose not to order and the universe will vibrate your car seat and cause you to perspire, wetting your slacks and leaving you an object of sport for all eternity." (Photo: cs4fn.org)