Saturday, January 2, 2010

Coffee Cans Approved For Last Hour of Flights

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano has authorized airlines to issue coffee cans for passenger waste during the final hour of flights. "There's no need to leave your seat," said Napolitano. "Just signal the cabin crew and they'll hand you a coffee can. Do your business, hand back the can, then tear a page from the in-flight magazine to tidy up." Jubilant lobbyists from the coffee industry celebrated the news. "We worried the airlines might go with pork and bean cans or large pickle containers," said one lobbyist. "But this is great news for Big Java." Napolitano was pleased with her decision. "I suggest Americans begin using the rest room with the door open to get used to an audience. But minor drawbacks aside, everyone will now be safer somehow because I have a big, giant smart head." (Photo:

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