Saturday, January 30, 2010

SEC Demands Zombie Risk Disclosure

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After a 3 - 2 vote, the Securities and Exchange Commission has ordered corporations to provide information to investors on business risks associated with the undead. "We've seen Resident Evil, said Chairman Mary L. Schapiro. "The Commission has watched all three movies as well as played Resident Evil 5 on Xbox 360. We know what happens when corporations fail to disclose the full truth—zombies appear and eat you up. That's not happening on our watch." The new ruling would require companies to disclose if their finances are affected by the undead, either killing and eating employees or tainting products with their saliva, which, in turn, could produce more undead who don't buy things. "This is a long overdue common-sense ruling that will help investors sort out the impact of zombies on a company," said Shapiro, "Here at the SEC, we like to be proactive, except for anything involving Bernie Madoff." (Photo:

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