Friday, January 29, 2010
NEW YORK CITY, NY - Determined to find a safe spot to try terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Justice Department officials have backed away from the Big Apple in favor of The Lost City of Atlantis. "This is very forward-thinking," said Justice spokesperson Tyla Spitshaven. "And since no one's complained, I think it's a go." Reputed to have once been an island nation, Atlantis is said to have sunk beneath the waves before recorded history, and, according to legend, now rests on the floor of the Atlantic Ocean. "There are logistical problems in transferring Mohammed, I won't kid you," said Spitshaven. "Plus we don't know what facilities they might have like, say, a good Greek restaurant for lunch. And do the Atlanteans even speak English or do they converse in some form of fish gibberish like in Splash? But these are minor problems." Officials have selected a spot in the center of the ocean which they claim is located directly above Atlantis. According to Spitshaven, "We're planning on exiting Mohammed from a ship into the sea with copies of the Health Care Bill tied around both ankles. He'll be instructed to report to Atlantean Marshals. And, of course, he'll be accompanied by ACLU lawyers."