Brown Win Derails Collectivization of Agriculture

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Stung by Massachusetts Republican Scott Brown's senate victory, congressional Democrats are having second thoughts about pushing a plan to collective American agriculture. "We really missed our chance to turn the Midwest into a giant people's food factory," said Armand Bukharin-Perry spokesperson for the Congressional Progressive Caucus. "The House Agriculture Committee had already approved parts of our bill to put barbed wire around Utah and fill it full of 'kulaks.' But now everyone is worried about reelection instead of what's good for the nation." HR 2955, the '2010 Fun, Food-Making Act,' would have created 'farm cooperatives' to compete with private farms which would be heavily taxed, all crops and animals confiscated, males shot or imprisoned, and women and children left to beg or eat each other. "CBO estimated that total collectivization would've cost around 7 million dead," said Bukharin-Perry. "A small price to pay to remove corporate fat cats from the food business. Oh, well. There's always reconciliation."