Saturday, January 9, 2010

FDA Bans Gingerbread Men Over Cannibalism Fear

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Called a 'gateway food,' gingerbread men have been banned by the Food and Drug Administration because they may lead to cannibalism. "The science is in," said FDA spokesperson Hennesy Horner. "It stands to reason that if you eat a gingerbread man, you're practising for the day when you can dine on human flesh." Horner stated children are most at-risk, vulnerable to social pressure to devour gingerbread men and make screaming noises. "Naturally, we can expect this [FDA] decision to be called into question by those in the pay of Big Gingerbread and the Cannibal Lobby. They'll stop at nothing." The FDA insists it has no desire to go after gingerbread made in cookie sheets. "We're not zealots," said Horner. "Just a large federal bureaucracy with unsinkable jobs and piles of your money to spend." (


Sherry said...

Meanwhile, the Justice department is considering the procecution of countless individuals who over the Christmas holiday prior to the FDA ruling, engaged in dunking said gingerbread men into their beverages, before consuming them; also known as milkboarding.

Ling Carter said...

Big Milk is listed as an unindicted co-conspirator.

Steve Burri said...

NAMBLA is also complaining of Namblaphobia. They claim that when a little boy bites off the arms, the cookie looks like... you know, and the legs look like... you can guess those ones, too.


Re: Big Milk

I bet those cows in California aren't real happy now, are they?