President Calls for Bigger Dots

WASHINGTON, D.C. - After taking responsibility for recent intelligence failures, President Obama called upon the intelligence community to 'work with bigger dots.' "If our federal agencies can't connect the dots they have, then clearly the answer is to come up with bigger dots." Intelligence agencies refused comment on the President's remarks, stating they needed to examine all dots "in light of budgetary and security needs, whatever that means." In related news, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has admitted she is a CGI creation. "I was a work-in-progress for a commercial being done at Rythm & Hues before this job opened up. And while the lead writers gave me a ton of backstory, I've never been out on my own before. Please don't send me back. I only want to be real, 'kay?" (Photo: zimbio.com)