Wednesday, January 6, 2010

TSA Requests 'Better Passengers'

NEWARK, NJ - In the wake of blunders at the Newark Airport, the Transportation Security Agency has asked congress for 'better passengers.' Said TSA spokesperson Larry Whiskett: "The federal government should mandate that the only people allowed to fly are jolly, carefree people who don't have to be anywhere anytime soon. With passengers such as these, the TSA can focus like a laser on our job of security filming and keeping unauthorized people from entering certain areas." As a stop-gap measure, Whiskett suggested airlines only seat people on psychotropic medication or Brazilians. "Everyone I've ever met from Brazil is happy and upbeat and rolls with the punches. They don't mind hanging around an airport for a couple of days because TSA had a few minor glitches. From such stuff, frequent fliers are made; from such material will come passengers of the future." (Photo:

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